Ten Commandments of TMTB

The Legend


In the Old Testament story of Exodus, God gave unto Moses two stone tablets containing divine edicts that became known as the Ten Commandments. These divine decrees became the foundation of the modern monotheisms that were derived from the Old Testament.

Millenia later, history repeated itself. One summer day in 2010, the members of TMTB ascended Mount Lehigh, searching for wisdom, divine revelation, and a renewed license to bitch about the university's cross-country mountain bike course. When they descended, they were carrying two depleted uranium tablets, inscribed with the defining edicts of TMTB.

While TMTB collectively works towards anarchy, it eventually became clear that the edicts scribed upon those tablets were reflective of the TMTB mentality. There was also some suspicion that the depleted uranium was causing radiation poisoning. These commandments were adopted into the core ethos of TMTB, ushering in a new era of prosperity. Shortly thereafter, the uranium tablets were buried next to Nickeck's swimming pool.

These commandments exist as a guiding light for those who otherwise cycle throughout the world without a moral compass. All praise to be to TMTB.

Commandments




Nickeck is your LORD. Thou shall have no ambiguously-deified graphic designers before Him.

Nickeck is a primordial force. He is benevolent. He is stern. He is a mumbler.


Thou shall not engage in idolitry related to individuals or brands.

Lay off the poser shit and ride.


Thou shall not be a tool.

Don't act like a roadie. Be polite and courteous to other riders. Share beer when possible.


Thou shall observe hunting season and not get shot.

Orange is not tacky in the woods. Nickeck may be bulletproof, but you are not.


Thou shall honor thy wifebeater and keep it fresh.

The wifebeater is thy holiest garment. One must take great care when applying detergent or bleach.


Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's bike.

Unless you have some kinky bike swap thing going. Then, by all means...


Thou shall ride it like thy stole it.

Because if you did, the Man will be right behind you.


Thou shall not steal, unless it is from the Man.

He who collects taxes should be taxed.


Thou shall only bitch about women when bikes are in motion.

The bike is a sanctuary of shared wisdom.


Thou shall find the seediest clubs possible.

If there is a red light bulb and a bouncer, it is an upscale establishment.