The History of TMTB

In the Beginning, there was TMTB


Topton, a neolithic settlement located in present-day Pennsylvania, is the origin of the founding members. Until recently, archaeological details about Topton have been limited. However most scholars agree that the settlement contained a largely homogeneous population. Sediment and fossil samples indicate that the inhabitants of Topton suffered from malnutrition, inbreeding, and the caustic effects of their local Superfund site. Excavations have found primitive dwellings and structures, as well as an intact penitentiary, submerged and perfectly preserved in a nearby sinkhole.

Topton had proved to be of little archaeological interest until a group of local junkies inadvertently excavated a cave while searching for their stash. After being made aware of its existence, archaeologists entered the cave and discovered dozens of ancient paintings on the walls. These paintings depicted hellfire from the sky, numerous triangles, and powerful, god-like individuals. Researchers were stunned by the collective imagery, but were most perturbed by the illustrations of the demigods. Between their legs were Giant... bicycles. Evidence of TMTB had finally been discovered.

A flurry of archaeological excavations, geological research, and talking to Nickeck has since illuminated many of the mysteries of TMTB.

Due largely to political correctness, tolerance, and other shortcomings engendered by what researchers now believe to be the progenitor of the "liberal media", Topton experienced a wave of illegal immigration and a softening of traditional closed-mindedness and racism. As a result, immigrants from distant settlements, such as Lehigh County, migrated to Topton. In short order, these migrants took previously non-existent middle-class jobs away from the locals and refused to engage in local custom by adorning their property with pickup trucks, sofas, and cans of Natty Lite. To make matters worse, they seemingly flaunted their alien culture by creating offspring with diverse combinations of chromosomes. The line in the sand had been crossed. The details surrounding the following period of conflict are little-known, even to those as all-knowing as Nickeck. What is known is that there were very few survivors on both sides. Naturally, this reduction in the gene pool favored the natives of Topton, and over time, genetic homogeneity, provincialism, and racism returned prominence.

What the natives didn't expect is represented by the maxim "only the strong survive". From the ashes of defeat, the lone survivors of Topton's migrants banded together to exact a guerrilla campaign of vengeance on their provincial stomping grounds. Striking fast and hard from the hills, riding alien metallic devices later referred to as bicycles, TMTB fought their foes visciously by disregarding bourgeoisie property and teaching the locals to read. Finding allies and sympathizers, such as Nickeck and the underground soccer cousins of Deka, TMTB scored one victory after another. Over time, bourgeoisie property was reclaimed by the Revolution and re-purposed as mountain biking trails. Locals gained the ability to read and some began to enter courtships with individuals who were more than three generations removed. TMTB had succeeded in its subversive campaign. Unrelated to TMTB's victory, Topton was soon subject to utter cataclysm by Nickeck, who, in a fit of rage, demolished all semblances of civilization. Topton had been buried beneath the rubble, but TMTB survived and continued throughout the millennia.